Friday, October 28, 2011

Do Over! I Wish!

Being Foxy!



A huge part of healing is giving ourselves the chance to work with those things we wished we hadn't done! I've had a couple of those things happen to me lately and it made me think about this exercise we did at the Expressive Arts Institute at Salve Regina University in Newport, RI.

They had us begin by thinking of an incident where we did something we wish we could take back or do over! The first part of the exercise began with writing stream of consciousness (non stop writing) that is telling about how this incident felt using any words we wished including our emotions about it. We did this for two minutes. The leader timed it! (Thank goodness, we didn't share these because mine was full of swear words!) We talked to our partners about how this felt.

Then we were invited to write a report about the incident, no emotions, just the facts maam! We were reporters of what happened (for two minutes again). We talked about how this felt.

Next we were invited to write just telling the story as a story. Both emotions and facts. It was surprising to me how this felt! Like telling something but not being caught up in emotions or just telling the facts. It was a narrative! We once again had two minutes to write.

The next step for us was to sit back, breath and ask our bodies for an image that would help us with this story. Who were we in the story? My image was that of a little goat:




 I haven't looked at this for a while and didn't notice that the goat has blue eyes, tongue, and feet! Blue is always about communicating. It is the throat chakra. And yellow horns! Yellow is a power color for me which is the solar plexis chakra.
So this little goat was communicating seeing, speaking up and being able to move and having a power in her horns! Nice! Never saw that before!

Anyway, next we were invited to write a fairy tale beginning, "Once upon a time..." Mine was: The Little Scape Goat! It felt so strange writing this way and coming up with a tale for the circumstances! We didn't have much time (2 minutes) but I came up with a neat little tale using the idea of animal characters.

Next we were invited to think about what kind of character would have the skills we would need to help us out of the situation and to handle that situation differently. We were given these half poster boards with the paint sticks stapled on the bottom and invited to cut holes for the eyes the first thing. I chose to do a fox mask:


 This is a creative kind of thing that I absolutely love doing! I shaped it and worked on it until it got to this place. Notice the blue eyes? We were then invited to write on the back of our masks what qualities this mask had that would help us the next time we felt like a scape goat! I put down the ability to be stealthy, to gauge the situation and change directions fast. It's hard to outsmart a fox. I think of the Ginger Bread Man and how the fox talks him into riding on his back. So the fox is able to convince other's of her way of thinking. You get the idea!

Now I want to know if you decide to do this exercise! I would like to be your partner whom you tell about how it felt to do each step. Send me a picture of your drawings and your mask! Let's see what things you come up with. I have to admit that I've never quite felt like the scape goat who couldn't do anything about what was happening to her again. I've had times where I still did things I didn't want to do, but mostly I've seen these times as my having stopped thinking or moving. This exercise helped move me another step towards my healing. And now even after all these years since I've been there, I'm still learning from it!

I may go get that mask and think about what it means to see through the eyes of the fox for me! And I remember that St. Paul spoke about the things he did not want to do: "What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate (Romans 7: 15)." He was speaking of sin to the Romans, but this passage has always stood out to me, because there are many times when "I do not do what I want to do, but I do what I hate. " It's as if I am watching myself from a distance as I do something I don't want to. As an artist, this exercise has helped me get beyond myself and my embarrassment at what I have done and at what other's have done to me!